There’s no right way to separate, and very few people do it calmly. Still, the first month tends to set the pattern for what follows. Couples who sort out a few practical things early usually spend less time, money and goodwill on the rest.
This note covers those things. It isn’t about who should get what. That comes later, and it depends on details only you can give us.
Children first, in writing
If you have children, agree where they’ll live and when they’ll see each parent for the next few weeks, even if it’s only a rough plan. Write it down, in a message or an email, so you both have the same version. Mediators and courts look closely at what happened in the months after separation, and a calm, child-focused arrangement made early counts for a lot.
Keep conversations about money apart from conversations about the children wherever you can. Mixing them is how small disagreements become large ones.
Make a list of what you own and owe
Property settlements start with a list, so start yours now. Include:
the home and any other property, with the lender for each mortgage;
bank accounts, shares and other investments, in either name or both;
superannuation for each of you, with the fund and the latest balance;
cars, businesses, trusts and anything else of real value;
debts, including credit cards, personal loans and tax owing.
Take copies of recent statements while you still have easy access to them. You’re not hiding anything; you’re making sure you’re both working from the same numbers.
Protect your own position, fairly
Change the passwords on your own email and banking, and look at your will if you have one. Separation doesn’t cancel a will, and you may not want your former partner as executor. Talk to us before you move money out of joint accounts or redraw on a mortgage. It can look like an attempt to put assets out of reach, even when it isn’t.
Know the time limits
You can apply for a divorce once you’ve been separated for twelve months. After a divorce order takes effect, you generally have twelve months to start a property claim. For de facto couples, it’s two years from separation. These limits are easy to miss while life is busy, and a late claim needs the court’s permission.
If you don’t feel safe
If there’s family violence, or you’re worried it might start, your safety comes before everything else in this note. Call 000 in an emergency. Intervention orders can be sought quickly through the Magistrates’ Court, and family violence services can help you make a plan. Tell us at the first call, and we’ll take it from there.
Look after yourself
Separation is one of the hardest things people go through, and decisions made in the worst weeks can be difficult to undo. If you can, lean on a counsellor or a trusted friend for the hard conversations, and keep your lawyer for questions of rights and money. It costs less in every sense.
Mediation usually comes first
Before a court will hear most parenting disputes, you’ll need to try family dispute resolution, a structured mediation with an accredited practitioner. Many property matters settle the same way. Going in prepared, with your list and a clear idea of what matters to you, is the best use of an early meeting with a lawyer.
Tom or Ella will meet you privately, in person or by video, and tell you plainly where you stand and what the next three months are likely to involve.
